


for him.

by ItsChaz



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by Music, Love Confessions, M/M, Maybe some angst, Non-Chronological, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 23:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8305501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsChaz/pseuds/ItsChaz
Summary: You don't love to say "I love you" to say "I love you". Five times John and Dave don't say "I love you" and one time they do.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd, all mistake are my own!
> 
> This is inspired by the song "for him." by Troye Sivan from his album Blue Neighbourhood.

> **i. jump start your car cause this city’s a bore / buying e-cigarettes at the convenience store**

“Uh, I think we’re lost, Dave…” John says a little annoyed. Despite living in Washington his entire life he literally has no idea where they are. He hasn’t ever seen any of these shops or buildings towering around them on both sides. “And it’s getting late.”

“We’re fine, I know exactly where I’m going,” Dave replies. The irritation is actually showing Dave’s voice which means he is just as stressed and confused as John is, perhaps more. John knows it’s best not to talk at times like this but he was too tired and hungry for his brain to work properly.

“We’re lost aren’t we?” John asks, “we are. Oh my god! We’re lost in a city we don’t know and it’s getting dark”.

“Shut up John, we’re not lost, fuckin’ hell,” Dave says, hands gripping tighter to the steering wheel. Not only is he just as tired and hungry as John is, he also hasn’t had a cigarette in hours which is making his irritation worse.

John goes quiet after that, finally able to understand that he should shut up for once. Silence takes over and the only sound that could be heard was the sound of the car engine rumbling as they drive through the unfamiliar streets. John is glad that no one else is out at this hour because they’re going slower than the speed limit actually is, hoping they’ll see something they know or someone who could help them with directions. As time stretching on it soon becomes obviously that that isn’t going to happen. The buildings and shops just look like black blobs in the darkness and no one – expect them, apparently – is stupid enough to be out this late.

The quiet is broken by a sudden stomach growl. It was Dave’s and John couldn’t help it but laugh. At some point it got too dark for Dave to be able to see through his shades in the darkness so when he turned to face John, he was able to see the full force of the death glare. Dave’s death glares are always worse than normal ones for several reasons – it’s always bad when Dave’s stoniness is broken, his red eyes always make the glare seem deadlier than any glare has any right to be and the idea of John upsetting Dave that much always makes him feel like a total piece of shit.

“I’m sorry,” John apologises but he still can’t help but let another little giggle escape. Being tired always makes him giddier than normal. Dave doesn’t reply verbally but he grips the steering wheel tightly, knuckles going white and his shoulders going square.  The car is once again plunged into silence as they continue to travel down unfamiliar roads. John doesn’t fully understand _why_ he agreed to go with Dave on this trip. He wanted to spend some time, just the two of them, together at some festival that John that never heard of. The only reason he agreed was because it was _Dave_ who suggested it.

“Look!” John calls suddenly, pointing ahead of them, almost scaring Dave who was settled in the silence, “that shop is opened!”

“So?” Dave asks. He was angry and tired and hungry and really wasn’t in the mood John’s shit talking.

“We could stop there. Get food, ask for directions,” John replies. With an overdramatic sign Dave pulls over out the front of the store and they both go inside. After getting directions and food they head back to the car. “Gimmie the keys, I’ll drive”.

“But aren’t you hungry too?” Dave asks.

“Yeah, but not as bad as you,” John replies and Dave gives him a look that says ‘seriously’, “I’m fine! I swear. I’ll drive and you can eat”.

They do just that. With the radio on both boys chat and, despite all the problems, they’re having fun. John drives with minimal complaint – both verbally and stomach-wise – and Dave eats and has a smoke. Sure, they won’t make it to the festival in time but that doesn’t matter. They’ve spent the day together and had fun, even if they had argue a little, and that’s all that they wanted.

* * *

 

> **ii. we try to stay up late / and we take jokes way too far**

When they first found out they had both been accepted to the same college it was only natural for them to become roommates, too. The problem with that was that John, being the social person he is, always has his friends over. Sure, back in high school both Dave and John were surrounded by friends but those people were both of their friends. These people who always seem to be in their dorm room aren’t Dave’s friends. He wouldn’t even call them acquaintances. They’re strangers who always feel like they have the right to always be in his and John’s room.

Dave wouldn’t call himself a jealous person. Jealously would imply he felt some sort of ownership over John, which he doesn’t have. John doesn’t belong to him and it’s not like they’re together or anything but that doesn’t mean Dave wouldn’t mind to have that one on one time with John that they haven’t had in weeks.

“What’s wrong with you?” John asks on one of those rare nights that they’re alone.

 _It won’t last long_ , Dave thinks. The only reason there isn’t a party here was the fact John had just come home from a night class.

“What makes you think there’s something wrong, Egbert?” you reply.

“You’re doing the angry eyebrow thing,” he explains and does what Dave assumes is the ‘angry eyebrow thing’ but it doesn’t like angry or like anything Dave would actually do with his face.

“I dunno what you’re talking about,” Dave retorts.

John frowns at the reply but only says a quiet, “if you say so”. Dave knows John doesn’t believe him. John is the one of the only people who are able to see through his façade and know when he’s lying. The only other people who can do that is Bro and Rose.

Silence fills the room as John begins to settle down for the night, packing away any things from classes and getting ready for bed as Dave’s goes back to silently playing Pokémon. Suddenly John phones buzzes with a message. Dave almost couldn’t help but smirk slightly at the sound because it means his right but at the same time he doesn’t feel like having the small victory because that means that they’re going to be bombarded with _them_.

It’s not like John’s friends are bad people, in other circumstances Dave would be happier with them hanging around because he would never stop John from having other friends, but the fact that they’re always in their dorm and never in someone else’s is fairly annoying and, even though he makes it very obvious that he doesn’t want to they’re always pushing their friendship onto him.

“The guys want to know if it’s okay to come over,” John says, reading the message. It wasn’t a question or him asking for permission it was simply a statement.

“Alright,” Dave replies, trying to cover his frustration and if John notices it he doesn’t say anything as he types out a reply and then goes back to getting ready.

Time starts passing slower than usual as Dave awaits the unwanted guests. Time always slows down when he waits for John’s friends, probably because the world hates him and wants him to suffer through the torture and gut sinking feeling as long as possible. Dave still doesn’t call himself jealous or selfish. No. He isn’t jealous selfish. Wanting to spend some one on one time with your best bro isn’t selfish or anything. It’s perfectly nature for someone to just want hang with their friend without the interference of annoying outsiders who have practically claimed John as their own as if he didn’t have any friends beforehand.

One hour turned into two hours and Dave realises how late it has become and starts to wonder where everyone is because it usually doesn’t take them this long to come and get their John-fix. Dave turns to face John who is lounging on his bed, reading a comic, probably that Nicolas Cage one, and asks, “where’s your groupies?”

“They asked if they could come over and I said  I was busy,” John says frowning but a huge smile then break out onto his face, “I thought we could spend the night hanging out, we haven’t had much bro time together”.

“Alright _bro_ ,” Dave couldn’t help but tease a bit, John’s reactions are always funny when he does, “what should we do?”

“I think we should see how many times I can kick your ass at Mario Kart,” John grins.

“Bring it on Broski,” Dave challenges, putting his DS away.

“It’llbe brung, pal, it’ll be brung,” John counters.

“Don’t call me ‘pal’,” Dave says.

“Don’t call me ‘Broski’,” John replies.

* * *

 

> **iii. I’m speeding for ya**

Dave looked at the LED clock sitting on his desk, heart sinking when he notices the time. He was so busy work on a new mix that he lost track of time and didn’t realise that he as almost late for the movie he and John were meant to be seeing together.

“Fucking hell,” Dave curses as he begins to panic. Picking up the first pair of black jeans he could find off of the floor and the cleanest, least smelly shirt and dresses in them before trying to put on and tie up his converses while running to the bathroom. “Jesus fucking Christ, oh my shit”.

From his position on the couch Bro chuckles at the sight of Dave struggling to put on his shoes still as he enters the bathroom, “what wrong lil bro?”

Moments later Dave comes out, rushing to brush his teeth and getting toothpaste everywhere as he replies, “I’m gonna be late”.

“Late to what?” Bro asks, “you got a hot date or something tonight?” Dave just puts up his middle finger in reply as he disappears again. He can hear Bro laughing from the lounge room at his reaction. Fuck him, finding entertainment in Dave’s distress. Moments later Dave come out of the bathroom, teeth cleaned and hair fixed.

“I’m meant to be seeing a movie with John,” Dave explains, disappearing into his room.

“So yeah, just like a hot date,” Bro says.

“Fuck you,” Dave says as he checks himself in the full length mirror to make sure he looked good (“no not for John fuck you Bro”).

“Well you’d better hurry or otherwise you’d be late for your not-date,” Bro tells him. Dave checked the time again, glaring 6:18 at him like its angry red letter as if to judge him for almost being late. He had five minutes to make the fifteen minute drive to the movie theatre. Cursing everyone and everything both out loud and in his head he shoves his phone and wallet into the rightful pockets and grabs his keys. Rushing out of the Strider pad and into his car he seriously hopes John isn’t angry at him. Not that John could ever be angry at him but if he were to be angry this would defiantly be the one time he would be. John’s been pestering and persuading Dave to see this movie with him for weeks and now that he finally agreed to go he’s going to be late.

 _I’m a terrible friend_ , Dave thinks to himself.

Dave made it to the movies only seven minutes late. It’s not bad, the trailers have probably only started so it’s not like he would have missed anything and he just hopes he would be able to find John in the sea of people ready to watch the movie. _It shouldn’t be that hard_ , Dave thinks, _John’s usually at the very back_. But when Dave walks from the carpark to out the front of the theatre he can see John still sitting out the front on a brick retaining wall, holding both a drink and a box of popcorn with another set of movie snacks beside him. Dave finds this amusing.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” he greets when he reaches John.

“Hey” John replies, “it’s alright, I’m used to it, you’re usually late anyway”. It’s true, despite all the training and shit that Bro had drilled into Dave he just has never been able to be on time to everything. Sometimes Jade tells him he’d be late to his own funeral. “I already brought our tickets and snacks”.

“I’ll pay you back,” Dave says, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet.

“Don’t worry about it, let’s go in,” John smiles. Dave picks up his popcorn and drink from the wall and follows John into the theatre.

* * *

> **iv. don’t need money / all i need is you**

If anyone ever tells you that college is easy they’re lying and will eventually die in the fiery pits of hell for every saying something so untrue. There’s nothing worse than having to either wake up at the beak of dawn or get home at the break of dawn for classes and on top of that all the work and assessment that’s always being piled on top of all the other work and assessments like some sort of tower of paper and bullshit. The worst thing, in John’s mind, is the fact of food situation.

John drops his bag beside the door of his and Dave’s shared dorm and sees Dave in the kitchen, “what do we have to eat?”

Dave checks the cupboards above his head and with a deadpan and slightly sarcastic response says, “we got ramen, ramen and ramen”. John makes a face at the suggestions, wishing they actually had real food.

Coming from a house where there’s always food ready and waiting from him whenever he comes home from school and a dad who would make him something to eat whenever he asked, to now barely having enough to last a week. While Dave seems content with this John thinks that he can only live on so much instant ramen before he dies of noodle overconsumption. He’s glad that there’s a break coming up so he’ll be able to go back home – even bringing Dave with him – so he could finally get his first real meal in months.

But for now he’s stuck being broke and living with his equally broke friend trying to meet ends mean. His dad had offered to pay of certain expense like rent and other things like shoes and clothes but John declined, wanting to have the ‘real college’ experiences but right now he’s regretting it. When he thought about the idea all he was thinking about was living with Dave and meeting new people, but all thing bad stuff that came with it like working and having to debate whether he could actually afford to buy shampoo that week.

“Don’t be like that, I got chicken last time I went shopping, sick of all the beef,” Dave says.

“I think I’ll pass, I’m sure Karkat’ll feed me if I complain enough tomorrow,” John says but seconds after the words left his mouth his stomach gives off a loud enough rumble he actually thinks that the whole floor would have heard.

“Suit yourself, I’m sure you’ll make it through the night,” Dave jokes with a shrug, turning around to make his own dinner.

“Okay, okay, maybe I am a little hungry,” John admits, standing up and walking to the kitchen intending to try and find something that isn’t noodle-based, “I’m just so sick of ramen. I don’t know how you do it”.

Dave shrugs again, a more serious one this time, “I used to eat it a lot at home, I think my body as gotten used to the college diet when I was seven or something”.

“That sucks,” John says, finding a slightly suspicious looking can of tuna in a cupboard.

“Why don’t you just go home, it’s not like you couldn’t drive or get the bus here,” Dave suggests.

“And leave you by yourself? You wouldn’t last a week without me,” John says.

“But you’d get proper food,” Dave counters.

“I’d eat all the instant ramen in the world as long as you’d do it with me,” John grins.

* * *

 

> **vi. and if you break my lil heart / it’d be an honour**

If anyone knew Dave they would know that he is the coolest kid in the whole world. There’s no such thing as someone being cooler than him. It would be completely impossible and completely ridiculous. Dave Strider is the human embodiment of everything it means to be cool. If anyone were to say otherwise they were immediately asked if they were dropped as a child. So, needless to say, Dave motherfucking Strider is the coolest thing since ice was created.

So if Dave was ever asked why exactly he was standing dumbly underneath the tree near the back of the school – the one that he and his friends had claimed on the first day of senior year because it was the only grassy place under the shade – staring dumbly at his best friend, one John Egbert, whole was looking at him expectedly. He was aruge that, no, he was doing no such thing and the whole idea of that being a thing is completely uncalled for not true at all.

Dave Strider doesn’t get confused.

Dave Strider doesn’t get shocked.

And Dave Strider certainly isn’t dumb.

John’s eyes are wide and confused and almost sad as he waits for Dave to answer his question. Dave’s hand sweats in his pockets as he picks at the skin around his fingers, something that is a terrible nervous habit of his. His mind was going more than a hundred miles an hour like if the Road Runner from Looney Tunes was on cocaine, crazy fast. His eyebrows tightens together and are slightly raised above his shades, which is the only visible thing that could show his currently feelings, although they’re still pretty hidden. His fingers are hidden in his hoodie pockets still, his eyes covered and his mouth still as neutral as always.

“Well,” John asks, hesitantly, “did you hear me?”

Dave half considers just to say that he didn’t but John’s not that stupid, his dumb but he’s not _stupid_. That’s something that people often forget about John and it honestly kind of gets on Dave’s nerves. John may be a dumb, dorky loser but he is, in no way, stupid.

“Could you please say something?” John asks nervously. The shaking in John’s voice hurts Dave and sort of makes his heart flutter a little. The butterflies from his stomach must have entered his heart. Fuck those butterflies.

“I… yeah,” Dave replies, or tries to anyway. There’s no way on earth that that could ever be considered a proper response but at least he did say something like what John had requested.

John hangs his head and while he couldn’t see them Dave was sure there were tears, “I shouldn’t of said anything,” John sniffles, hitting the grass and dirt with the tip of his shoe. Silence falls between the two of them for a few moments with John looking at the small hole he was digging with the toe of his shoe and Dave focusing on the small sobs and shakes coming from John. He wasn’t fully crying or anything but Dave thinks his close or is trying to hold back. John looks up once more and Dave can see the tears in John’s eyes when he sadly says, “I’ll go now, sorry” and with one pain filled apology smile later, he was walking away.

What the hell? Dave couldn’t believe it. He had ruined his only chance. Instead of going for it, he was held back by the idea of being too cool for that shit. John spilled his fucking heart out like some sort of love struck girl from a terrible teen movie an all Dave did was stand there like a loser because he was worried about showing how he felt. Dave honestly felt like the biggest piece of shit on this side of planet earth. And probably all the other sides, too.

Turning around quickly he rushes to catch up with John who was only a few sad paces away, he grabs John by the arm with more force than probably necessary which forces him to turn around, “say it again,” Dave asks although it sounds more like a demand.

“Go away,” John says, “stop trying to embarrass me”.

“I’m not trying to embarrass you,” Dave says.

“Please don’t,” John begs, tears welling up again.

“I’m sorry I didn’t try anything. I should of and I know what, okay? I fucked up royally. I’m a number one screw up because I let the best fucking thing in the world go because I was too caught up in wanting to look like a was top shit. I was gonna let you walk away because hurting you hurt me and I love you so fucking much that it hurts okay? I love you and it hurts because I didn’t think you love me back ‘Mr. I’m not a homosexual’, that was some top class bullshit right there but then it killed me to see you walk off,” Dave didn’t fully realise but badly he was rambling.

“Dave, Dave, calm down,” John repeats trying to calm Dave down and talk. The tears were still there but the sad tears were mingling with some happy ones too.

“What?” Dave asks.

“I love you,” John repeats what he had said earlier. The three words that both killed and brought Dave back to life.

“I love you,” Dave says and for once he doesn’t entirely care about being the human embodiment of Antarctica.

 


End file.
